


Talk It Through

by Nopride4531



Category: Fallout 3, Fallout 4
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Past Relationship(s), Questions, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-06-30 17:26:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15756387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nopride4531/pseuds/Nopride4531
Summary: Sequel to How to Relieve Tension. Evelyn and Maxson discuss the consequences of their actions. Rated M just to be on the safe side.





	Talk It Through

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CookiesAreSoHot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CookiesAreSoHot/gifts).



In the days following her exploits with Maxson, Evelyn did her best to avoid him, going to great lengths to hide and keep busy. Thankfully, he seemed to be doing the same. Throughout the week, they probably crossed paths twice—in total. That was just fine by her. In all honesty, the less she saw of the Elder, the better. Evelyn wanted nothing more than to forget she'd ever even met him, let alone spent time with him. And, although she couldn't say for sure, she somehow knew he wanted to go back to the way things were. Not that they were great to begin with, but at least they were better than whatever this was. 

And now, as Evelyn sat on her bed, one tanned calloused hand resting in her lap, the other holding a cigarette, she heaved out a smoke-filled sigh. The walls of the Prydwen gave a massive groan. Briefly, she wished that the whole ship would just fall right out of the sky, crash into the ground, kill everyone on board—herself included. But then she remembered the squires, the initiates, the scribes, everyone who hadn't seen a lick of battle... Everyone who was still relatively innocent. She pushed the thought out of her mind.  

Standing, she crossed to the metal desk in the corner of her quarters. An ashtray sat there, filled nearly to the brim. Evelyn snuffed out her cigarette. She sank into a nearby chair and buried her head in her hands. This past week had been a nightmare, one that she couldn't seem to escape. While she'd successfully avoided Maxson, she'd also repressed every aspect of their actions, put a bandage on them when they needed to be sutured; a quick fix that wasn't working. Not in the slightest.

Evelyn ran a hand through her cropped brown hair. If she was completely honest with herself, she didn't know why she even bothered remaining in the Brotherhood anymore. Certainly, nothing kept her there. Nothing living, for that matter. She didn't think she even believed in the cause. And who knew? Maybe she never did. Not even when she first joined up, back when Sarah Lyons was still in the picture. Not that it mattered anymore. The Lyons—both of them—were gone.  They were never coming back, either. But if they could, if they could somehow miraculously bring the Brotherhood back to its "Glory Days," Evelyn wasn't so sure it would make much of a difference. The Brotherhood still hated ghouls. It still hated synths. Hell, it even turned on one of its own brothers. 

Somehow, Evelyn knew Lyons wouldn't have given Danse a chance any more than Maxson did. The only reason Danse was still alive was because of Diana. Evelyn had to give her credit. For being a pre-war vault dweller, she had guts, determination, and a hell of a lot of fight. Certainly more than the Elder (and, begrudgingly, even Evelyn) thought possible. But Diana was gone now. And so was Danse. Two of the best things that had ever happened to the Brotherhood, and the organization had let them slip through its fingers. Evelyn didn't think she would ever forgive it, nor herself. Some wounds were too deep to stitch.

A knock on her door shook her out of her thoughts. Frowning, Evelyn straightened in her chair. She glanced at the clock on the wall, frown deepening when she saw that it was three in the morning. She wasn't expecting anyone at this hour. She never did. But still, the knocking persisted, an annoying, light, tap-tap-tapping that didn't exactly fit the bill for any member of the Brotherhood. 

She stood and walked over to her door. Although she had no way of determining who stood outside of it, she had a sinking feeling in her gut that she already knew. And when she unlocked the deadbolt, when she swung the heavy metal open on its hinges, her suspicions were confirmed. 

"What in the hell are you doing here?" She demanded, closing the door ever so slightly to block the entrance to her room. "Can't you take a hint?"

To give him credit, Maxson didn't even flinch at the harshness in her tone. Instead, he stood rigidly in the hall, arms folded across his chest and his signature scowl plastered firmly on his face. Evelyn wanted nothing more than to slam the door. Nevertheless, she kept it open and waited for a response.

"I thought we should get this over with," the Elder eventually said. He shifted a little on his feet, the only sign that he was even remotely uncomfortable. "Dragging it on any more than we already have could make things worse."

Though she would never admit it, Evelyn was taken aback. She hadn't expected Maxson to be the one who came to her. In all honesty, she'd expected neither one of them to go to the other, expected them to stay in this limbo for forever. So for the Elder to approach her, to knock on her door at three in the morning, well, it caught her off guard. Only rarely was Evelyn  _ever_  unprepared for any situation. But this? How could she possibly have prepared for  _this?_  

But she played it off with a shrug and opened the door a little wider. "Only if we have to."

Maxson nodded. "We do."

He stepped inside her room. Evelyn carefully shut the door behind him, after making sure no one was around, of course. Neither one of them could risk being seen. Their brothers and sisters were already beginning to suspect that something had happened, and Evelyn didn't want to give them any fodder. Not that what happened was a massive secret. She and the Elder weren't exactly being subtle in their attempts to avoid one another.

"Say what you have to say and then go," Evelyn snapped, surprising herself. She'd intended her words to sound harsh, but not that much. But she didn't,  _refused to,_ backtrack. 

"I think we both know this'll take a while." Maxson rolled his shoulders back. That piercing glare met Evelyn's, and she did her best not to look away or flinch. "We've got a lot to discuss."

Sighing, Evelyn returned to her bed and sat down, gesturing for Maxson to take the chair. "Then you'd better get to it."

As he sank into the chair, Evelyn took the time to truly take in his appearance. While it was impossible for him to look haggard, he didn't look well, certainly not as well-kept as he usually did. Dark circles made themselves prominent under his eyes.  _So he hasn't been sleeping,_  she thought, a little more disturbed by the concept than she thought she'd be.  _That makes two of us._

Wordlessly, she reached for the pack of cigarettes on her night stand. She shook out two and offered one to the Elder. He accepted, though Evelyn might as well have been pulling his teeth out. She rolled her eyes. For all the talk he spat out, Maxson didn't know how to deal with anything besides command. Something as simple as offering him a cigarette proved to be borderline disastrous. It was just as well, though; not like Maxson needed to be good at anything else. 

"I can't excuse my actions," he began, and almost immediately, Evelyn felt herself closing off. 

"Okay, if that's what you're going to say, you might as well save it," she interrupted. "I don't need this right now. So unless you can prove to me in the next... thirty seconds that you're serious about this little talk, then get the hell out of here."

At Maxson's borderline hurt expression (the most emotion Evelyn had ever seen out of him), she felt a pang of guilt. It was brief, but it definitely happened. She looked away and tried to compose herself.

"Just..." she said with a quick shake of her head. "Just cut the bullshit. I think we're both well beyond protocol now."

There wasn't much he could say otherwise, so the Elder, much to her relief, complied. "Agreed, Knight." 

A bout of silence radiated throughout the room. Neither one of them looked at each other for a long time. Maxson stared at the Brotherhood flag above Evelyn's bed, while she stared at her bare feet. She didn't know where to begin, let alone what to talk about. It didn't help that the Elder clearly had the same dilemma. Honestly, Evelyn wanted nothing more than to kick him out of her quarters and be done with it. But it was best to get this business over with and over with quickly. If it went on any longer than it already had, she didn't know what she would do. Would she ditch the Brotherhood like Diana? Or fling herself off the top of the Prydwen? Hard to say, really. 

And so they both sat there in the quiet, listening to each other's steady breathing. Despite everything, Evelyn found her thoughts drifting once again to the Brotherhood's "glory days." She remembered Sarah Lyons all-too-vividly. The way she kept her soldiers in line. The way she wanted to do right by her people. Most of all, though, Evelyn remembered Lyons' Pride: the elite group of Paladins Sarah herself commanded. And, Evelyn could only suppose, the reason she remembered this so well was because of Colvin. 

As a general rule, Evelyn didn't do relationships. Hell, she hardly did friendships. Having acquaintances was pushing it. But Colvin? He made her break that rule without a second thought. Although he and Evelyn didn't exactly make anything official, he was... well, he was just someone special. 

"Y'know," she found herself saying before she could do anything about it, "you're not the first."

Maxson frowned as he lit his cigarette. "The first what?"

"The first superior I've... had something with." Evelyn refused to look at him, and instead focused on lighting her own smoke. "There was someone else."

She could practically feel the heat of his curiosity, but she didn't elaborate. She wouldn't, either. Not until he asked. 

"Who?" 

There was an edge to the Elder's voice, an edge she couldn't quite place. Taking a long drag of her cigarette, Evelyn exhaled a plume of smoke and steeled herself. 

"Do you remember Lyons' Pride?" She asked, finally deciding to meet his eyes. And, when he stiffened, took that as a sign to continue. "I guess that's a yes. I don't know if you remember everyone who was in it, but..." 

She reached into her nightstand's drawer. After she'd fished around for a bit, she pulled out what she needed: a pair of holotags. 

"His name is...  _was_  Colvin," she managed through a suddenly tight throat. "They told me he was killed in action. Found his holotags, but never his body."

For once, Maxson was silent. Evelyn stared at the tags in her hand, at Colvin's name, and rapidly blinked to expel the moisture in her eyes. Thankfully, it worked, and no tears spilled over. She put the holotags back in the drawer and shut it.

"I'm sorry, Knight," Maxson said with more sincerity Evelyn thought he could ever muster. "I don't remember him, but he must've been a good soldier if he was in Lyons' Pride." 

Evelyn nodded and exhaled more smoke. "He was curious about religion. We butted heads over a lot of things, but at least we had that in common." She bit her lip and stared at the wall. "Sometimes I wonder if he's still out there."

She left out the part where she thought about that on a daily basis. Every once in a while, it kept her up at night, not knowing if Colvin was alive. Had he truly died in the field? Or had he ditched the Brotherhood like Diana and left his holotags behind as proof? While Evelyn didn't believe a man like him would ever turn his back on his brothers and sisters like that, she couldn't help but wonder. And the concept borderline tore her apart. For someone like Colvin to lose faith... it meant things were awful. Broken. Unable to be fixed, at that. In some ways, it was easier to believe he had died. 

Thankfully, Maxson didn't press the subject, which was just as well. Evelyn didn't want to talk about it anymore. Honestly, talking about what they'd done would be easier than talking about her past. 

"I didn't mean for it to happen," she eventually admitted. "It just sort of... did."

She wasn't sure if Maxson would understand to what she was referring, but after a few seconds, he proved that he did:

"I know," he said. Regret, strong and undeniable, laced his tone. "But it shouldn't have. It was breaking--"

"Oh  _fuck_ protocol!" Evelyn snapped, barely resisting the urge to jump to her feet. "It's got nothing to do with protocol and everything to do with that it went against  _all_  I've ever stood for!" She snuffed out her cigarette with enough force that it broke. "After everything that happened with Diana and Danse, I shouldn't even want to  _look_ at you. And I don't."

Maxson clenched his fist, the one that wasn't holding his smoke. "And it all comes back to Danse. He isn't  _human,_ Knight. He's a machine." 

"That doesn't matter!" This time, she did jump to her feet. "What matters is that he would still lay down his life for the Brotherhood, even after you turned your back on him. Hell, you wanted to  _execute_  him. What does that say about your devotion to your brothers and sisters?"

"Everything!" Maxson, too, snuffed out his cigarette. His voice barely rose above its normal tone, but it sounded like crushed glass. "That says  _everything_  about my devotion! I want to keep them safe, and I will continue to do so according to  _protocol."_

Evelyn shook her head. "You're pathetic, Maxson. It's not even Brotherhood protocol anymore. It's  _yours."_

The Elder blinked. Briefly, Evelyn wondered if maybe--just maybe--she'd managed to get through to him, minute as it might have been. But then his eyes narrowed and he leaned forward in his chair. Somewhere on his forehead, a vein pulsed.

"Be that as it may," he ground out, "it doesn't change anything. Danse is still a synth and as long as this is true, he's a threat." 

With a roll of her eyes, Evelyn sat down on her bed again. The fight fled from her in waves. There was no getting through to Elder Maxson. He'd long since lost the ability to see anyone else's point of view, long since lost empathy for those who didn't agree with him. Evelyn didn't know why she was even surprised anymore. This had been going on for years and would continue to go on until either a miracle happened, or Maxson died. Whichever came first. 

"You're pathetic," she repeated, though the slight tremor in her voice diluted the insult.

Maxson pressed his lips together, then sighed. "Who's more pathetic? Someone who sticks to their beliefs, or someone who pretends they don't exist just so they can have a place to be?"

Evelyn glowered at him. If she'd had her gun with her, she might have shot him and been done with it. He'd struck a nerve and he'd struck it hard. 

"Get out," she said, tone deathly flat.

The Elder apparently knew he'd gone too far, so he tried to backtrack. "Knight--"

"I said get. out." Evelyn jabbed a finger toward the door. "And if you even try to come back, I'll kill you."

The threat was an empty one, really, but Maxson nodded nevertheless. Standing, he crossed to the door and opened it, calling out over his shoulder: "You know where I'll be."

She wanted to scream at him, wanted to throw something--anything--at him. But she didn't. That would only give him more satisfaction, more of an upper hand than he already held. And so she allowed him to leave, waiting for the door to click shut before burying her face in her pillow and screaming. It didn't make her feel any better, didn't even begin to, but at least no one could hear her. 

Some part of her mind knew that this was it. Her days in the Brotherhood were coming to an end. Maybe they already had when Colvin died. As Evelyn lifted her head from her pillow, she grabbed an ashtray on her nightstand and threw it against the wall. It shattered into tiny pieces, pieces that couldn't be glued back together. Not that she cared. Not anymore. Never again. 

She stood, dressed, and began rummaging through her belongings, trying to decide what she could take in a large backpack. In the end, she decided on spare ammo, a change of clothes, and whatever food she had lying around. Lastly, she grabbed Colvin's holotags from her drawer and fastened them securely around her neck.  _This is for the best,_ she thought as she stepped out into the hallway.  _Because, God, I can't take it anymore._  

Thankfully, no one questioned her as she made her way toward the Prydwen's flight deck. The door to Maxson's quarters was closed, and she walked right by it without a second glance. No note, no acknowledgement, nothing. He deserved less than that. She didn't even say good-bye to anyone. Severing ties completely and quickly was probably the best way to do this, or so she figured. No need for tedious farewells. 

As Evelyn boarded the vertibird to the Commonwealth, she ignored the curious glances from the pilot. While he didn't say anything, she knew what he was thinking. She knew what everyone would think when they found out she'd left. Elder Maxson was the only wild card. Not that his opinion mattered. In a sense, leaving the Brotherhood behind, leaving its twisted ideals, felt strangely liberating. It was the only home she'd ever known. 

Maybe she would track down Diana and Danse. Or maybe she would search for Colvin herself, find out if he had truly died or if he'd done what she was doing now. She didn't know yet, but she had all the time in the world to figure it out. And that concept, odd as it may have been, comforted her. Sure, the Brotherhood of Steel would always mean something to her, but it wasn't a home anymore.

So she would just have to make another one. 


End file.
